ahhHHHH I… I WISHED I COULD DO THIS WITHOUT FUCKING IT UP BUT I DONT THINK I CAN IM SORRY. ;A;
also you’re a strong baby, you don’t have to tell them. one day you’ll get out of there and you will probably be happy when you find somone im sure. you deserve a good life.
I am clearly not lemonteaflower. BE STRONG, ANON.
p.s. sorry if i got you wrong i am horrible at visualization.
p.p.s i had my first kiss when i was 19 dont worry about it
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH ANON LOOK!!!
i tried ~
woooops i actually did it.
Caught between the wintry night and the corner of the cold, bricked house, upon Christmas eve, I find myself summoned into the calm of the night - away from the fray and bustle of the busy party within the confines of my home. I was asked to come outside, you see, and save the rare circumstance of necessity, I’d seldom trek outward into four inches of snow with little else on than a turtleneck and jeans. The snow clenches against my cloths, and the December winds tear against my ill-protected flesh, but for him, of whom asked me for a private moment, I’d gladly complied if only to see him smile and look upon me.
Under the full moon, upon this frosted night, I can see his eyes. Compared to my green eyes, his lovely blue eyes are a very nice contrast. I see it in our photos together . He has the loveliest blonde hair, too, with a cute red highlight upon the right of his head. With my back to the wall of the house, and him in front of me and being a good four inches taller, I am in the overcast of his shadow, left with little other exit. Knowing him, such positioning, such forbearing posture, the entirety of the events are perfectly planned. “What is it, Ethan?”
He didn’t move, not that I recall, but I did find him somewhat more squirmish and broken in his speech patterns. Of all his actions, I can tell when he grew nervous - either from stage performance or for an exam - whenever he spoke at different paces. “I wanted to let you know something. We’ve been friends for a while now, and I want to be completely honest with you. But I don’t want this to hurt or change our friendship.”
I sneeze. “We’ve been friends for years, Ethan. I promise nothing’s going to change that. Except if you crash my house or something.” I give a sarcastic joke in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"I just have to tell you something. It’s been eating at me away for a while now, and I just have to tell you! I haven’t even slept a few nights a week just because of this!" Ethan wasn’t fazed by my joke.
A chill covers me. “I’m listening, Ethan, calm down.”
Ethan takes a few deep breaths - then a few more. During his stall, Ethan turns his head to look left, look right, and even gaze up into the darkened, starry sky for a good while. When his breath caught up to his chest, when Ethan finally became ready, he gazes upon me, and in that light, during that moment, in this singularity of time amongst our maelstrom of ticking days, his eyes were the bluest I’ve ever seen. “I’m gay.”
I attempt to simply smile, and I want to tell him that it’s okay if only because-
"That’s not all! I have more!"
"Gay and in love. I love another boy! Not like - not fancy - I love him." Ethan grabs my shoulders, and I can’t tell if it’s for support or another reason.
"I just have to let that boy know I love him! I just have to! Please help me!"
"Ethan, just listen-"
"I love you! You! We’ve been friends for so damn long, and I want to be with you more."
For a moment, just another second, just another skip in the endless fabric of time, I didn’t feel cold. He stares into my green eyes and I his blue eyes. His hands upon my shoulders are tightening but not uncomfortably so. They’re warm, too. The palms of his hands are warming my shoulders, and with his declaration, with my epiphany, and with such warmth against a blistering cold that’s slowly encroaching back to my reality, I feel at peace. “Ethan, I’m glad because,” I turn to gently kiss Ethan’s right hand, “I love you, too.”
Ethan gathers himself in a moment - a more composed man than I. Yet, it is his boyish smile that seems to always draw me in - closer and closer. I move in closer still; I to him and he to me. Then, I can only feel a warmth.
His lips meet mine, and we find ourselves closer to each other. The warmth of his chest was rather nice against mine, and his hands felt nice wrapped around the nape of my neck and waist. After such a kiss, I smile at Ethan. “That was my…first, Ethan. You took my first; you are my first.”
Now, to compliment his blue eyes and blonde hair with that red streak, Ethan sports a very cute, red blush upon his dimpled cheeks. Then, for a few more moments, we laugh and smile at each other before heading back into the house to escape the blistering cold.
This time, however, we come to the party not as friends but as partners and hand-in-hand.
If you will it so, there will be a way eventually. Time will find a way to make room into your schedule, and in time, you’ll find that someone.